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It isn’t proper to watch folks. Go get the paddle and wait for me on the sofa.”“But, Walter!” I wail.“No buts, Mable!” he says firmly.With a hand on my bottom, I sulk into the house and get the paddle. Stomping my feet in my Mary Jane shoes, I head to the couch to sit down. I am fussy that he still doesn’t believe me. But I know, Elizabeth! I know your secret and someday Walter will believe me.He comes in and slams the door behind him. I clench my rear end in anticipation. He doesn’t paddle me too often, but when he does, he makes sure I feel it for a while.Sitting down beside me on the couch, he pulls me over his lap, lifting up my yellow and pink floral dress. He pulls down my stockings and white cotton underwear, and then I hold my breath anxiously awaiting my punishment.“No more spying, Mable!” he fusses loudly. "And you get extra paddling for being a hypocrite. I KNOW what else YOU are doing when you watch them."I see him raise his arm out of the corner of my eye and tighten up. .. who moans like that? ... those aren’t love handles, they’re spare tires ... he’s got to hold it or it’ll go limp! ... yeah, right, a bikini and an C-section scar ... Christ, if they had put in any more silicone she’d fall over...”For a second I thought it was just me. Maybe I was just too dumb to figure it out. But I looked around the room and met incredulous stares from the other guys. Without question, all the men had been transported to the Twilight Zone. And the women to the Comedy Club.“ ... men are such pigs! ... I wouldn’t touch our mailman with a ten-foot pole ... that’s not a cock, it’s a mutation! ... who’d get a tattoo there? ... well, no wonder! She’s so coked up she couldn’t remember the lines with the script in her hands ... and clapped up to boot...”Thank heavens the abomination was as mercifully short as it was mercilessly bad. But all the women loved it. After a final rousing chorus of “Men are such pigs!” they trooped off together to the bathroom. The remaining.
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